This morning I write about letting go. The never-ending list of letting go brings me to make an inventory about how I feel in my world, in my day. Is this how I want to feel? What is there to keep? Should I fix it? Should I even try? Should I just let go?
When I count my blessings, solitude is one of them. I feel grateful for the strength to choose this way of life. It took me a while to clean up my life from negative vibes. I did not change my phone number and I did not move far away. In fact, even before I started to cleanse my relations, most of the negative acquaintances had already rejected me. Most of them felt intimidated by the vibrant, exuberant, passionate woman that I am. They think I changed and change scares many people. My truth is that I lost track of myself and found my way back home.
Yes, it is a journey in itself. Someday I feel vulnerable. I trick myself into believing I could dial back in their lives and sham myself into the person they want me to be. Just so you know, it rarely turns out in a luminous celebration of long lost friendships. Cleansing takes bravery and commitment.
Misery is a way of life; happiness is a state of mind.
Proverbs from Tibet
Before I go any further, I want to clear one thing. Seclusion is not solitude. Even if seclusion brings you solitude, the paradox is in the withdrawal. Solitude feels amazing, withdrawal not so much. Nevertheless, in the beginning, solitude gave me time to rationalize way too much which can feel a little bit uncomfortable. Old emotions are old habits and they stick as long as we let them. Old emotions are often harder to detect and by the time it operates fully in my headspace and in my body, I already slipped into The MOOD. That is my goal, changing the MOOD.
The MOOD happens by stealth. It stirs an old emotion and I slowly fall in the trap. For example, I feel vulnerable, here comes the inadequacy gremlins. Before I notice anything, I already want to prove myself to myself; consequently, I don’t stop for lunch, drink too much coffee, do not drink water at all, begin to think around circle, stops following my daily plan, do not exercise, meditate…the list goes on… Moreover, this is a mild encounter it can get worst with reverse results…like not doing feeling paralyzed and totally numb.
To forbid the Mood in my life I need to take care of myself no matter what happens. Drink 3 to 4 liters of water, go to the gym, take a walk in the woods, eat healthy food, drink a nutrimeal outside my office, take time to cleanse my spirit and organize my days to come. When I agree with myself, it is so easier. I feel exquisite. When I feel exquisite, I serve better. My concentration is channeled like in a funnel. These moments are graceful and energetically free from burdens. I can work and accomplish so much in less time. That space within amazes me. I keep my focus on the task, I take notes, I have a clear a vision of my desired outcome, I see the big picture, I feel confident and in control. There is no blur nor missing steps, the execution is flowing and flawless.
I am in my Zone daring the MOOD.